**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wat bout pragnant strippers??
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
