Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
