Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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