White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize