you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
