no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
