Pappa wants mamma naked
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
