so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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