Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
