so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
