my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
