I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
