It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
