Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
