So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
