So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
