nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
