I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
