I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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