I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
