I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
