I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
