Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
