tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
