We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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