i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
