how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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