im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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