The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
