is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
