was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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