I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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