Where did you get a picture of my penis
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
