1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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