Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
