Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
