So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
