nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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