Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Two words: blizzard sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
