I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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