Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
