Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
