At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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