There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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