I think I died a long time ago.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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