It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
