I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and she was petting her beer can
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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