another moral hangover. fuck.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
