It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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