I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize