all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
