someone threw a dead crab at me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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