Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
organizing the empties. That sober.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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