well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
