you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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