the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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