You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ttyl tear gas
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
