Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
