Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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