do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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