hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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