please come you make the beer taste better
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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