Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need water and some morals
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
