Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
