he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
