Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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