The best revenge is premature balding
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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