The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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