I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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