At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
