Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
