the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
