we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
