A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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