I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
